2009 in Drawings

At the begining of this year, me and Eli and Angus and Henry and this brilliant idea to start designing and making and selling wiked tshirts. It couldn't fail. We had Eli and myself to design (I even got us both sketchbooks to fill up (which I only completed about a month ago)), Angus was in promotion and shit, so he started teaching himself binary and html and shite so he could make a website. And we also had Henry as king of finance. We even had a meeting where he drew a graph. And we even had a name... (care of Eli, purveyor of great names) ...

White Sweater Zombie

Bam. But being boys we got distracted by girls (angus and eli) and school (henry) and... uh... art? (me)... and sort of just stopped working on it. We still all believe that it will happen eventually.
SOO... heres some drawings from my full sketchbook which I just happened to photograph this morning.

Im so emailing this guy...

BAM!

Mugger Baby

(this is an old story that I forgot about. Happy Tuesday everyone)

I went down to Paiges to have misc. adventures with her and Thom. When I arrived at the playground, Awesome Alex and Paige were on the swings, and Paige had bread, and Thom was late. So someone suggested we teach Alex DUCKDAFUCK (one reason being alex is petrified of birds so that would be lols in itself) and so we ventured to Jelly Park to commence game.

Alex, as it happened, was EXTREMELY terrified of all the ducks. And unnaturally terrible at duckdafuck. Paige on the upper hand kicked ass (AGAIN) and much chuffing and huffing was had. At the near climax of the game however, we noticed a trio of swaggering clots heading our way, annonymous bourbon cola drinks in hand. A ginga child approached me, strangely oblivious to the pretty girls sitting next to me and mumbled "Hey, you want to fight?".
"Uh... what, sorry?"
"You wanna fight man, c'mon! Letss go" he said, bringing his fists up, slightly overbalancing.
"Uhmm, no thanks," I said, turning away, and laughing quietly, but quietly scared. He was small, but I try and avoid fights as much as I can. His mate wandered over. He had slick black hair and gross pimples, as well as a heavy looking black square backpack. He was around the same age, maybe slightly older, but nonetheless takes his lead from the littler ginga child. He decides joins in on the fun, giggling and supporting his friend.
"Well den can I have ten dolluz for ma bus? I need to get hoome man..." said the small ginga child, reaching over for my backpack (which happened to have Oli's digital delay pedal in it, a small token worth around 200 dollars). I roared maliciously with laughter and said "No," an answer he obviously had some grievance with.

"C'mon man! I need to get home ae..." and started reaching towards my bag. I pulled it away from him, telling him to "Fuck off!" he swaggered away, around the back of the bench. I shared a worried glance with Paige. With the poise of a drowned goose, he ripped Paiges bag away from behind her and started to run off, riffling through it. Paige jumped up, shouting various insults and suggesting various activities. The drunkard, realising he was stealing from a girl (harbingers of loveliness), reluctantly dropped her bag. Pimple Git, however, was back in front of me. "C'mon man, give us ten bucks!"

I walked over to Paige. She was having words with General Ginga. He didn't seem to be keen at all on leaving. I opened my mouth; "How old are you guys?"
"Sixteen" was the immediate and resoundingly confident answer. My age. Fuck. How young do I look? I wondered. "Well you don't look it. Do you parents know that you guys are drinking in a park? Or harrassing strangers?" I said. Sure I felt like a dick, but I wanted them to leave, "Are you guys honestly trying to mug us?"
"Nah man," Ginga replied, "Our parents don't give a shit about us anyways," he said looking for support from Pimple Git. He nodded, grinning. "Yeeauah, and drinking what? Were just enjoying a lovely evening." he noted, motioning towards the park he noticed he was in.
"You guys are fucking drunk! You stink!"
"No we don't!" replied Ginga, worried.
"And you've got a whole bag full of booze I bet," I said, pointing at Pimple Git, "What if the cops caught you with that?" This worried them. They got angry.
"Don't you fucking call the cops!! I'll beat you up," cried Ginga, sloshing drink.
"I hear they're on bikes now. They're fast. They could get here like that! And then you'd be fucked, wouldn't you?" At this, Ginga casually hid his rum and coke mixer bitch drink under his rip curl t shirt. It was at this moment that the third mugger spoke up. He was the worried one, standing back from this whole encounter. He had a round baby face and pretty boy brown hair, and long cargo pants. He stood back with eyes down, rocking from foot to foot. I'm dubbing him Baby Bitch.
"Uh, err... should we just go?" squeaked Baby Bitch, from five metres back.
"Shut the fuck up Josh!" spat Ginga.
"Josh?" I said, laughing. I had the little one, "Your names Josh? I've got your name now. You guys are fucked," and started to pull out my cell phone, flipping it open. Baby Bitch started to freak, and Pimple Git strode forward towards me. Before he could get there, Ginga punched me in my ear.

"Oh..." I said, honestly shocked. No one likes getting punched. But in my ear? Man, thats weak, I thought. Baby Bitch stepped in again, pleading for them to go. My ear was ringing so I didn't hear him exactly, although he probably said, "Man, we shouldn't mess with this guy. He looks like trouble. And were all sooks remember? Let's go home and have a group bath."

"Fuck off!!" I shouted, turning to see my female comrades with a mix of worry and admiration in their eyes. Yes. Hero. I held my cell phone up to my wounded ear.
"Okay man," he said, with reasoning, "Don't call the cops," his voice cracking slightly.
"Then fuck off!" I said. Looking towards Paige and Alex, we started to walk away.
"Okay okay!" cried Ginga, "shake on it. You won't call the cops." He held out his slightly pudgy sweat hand. I took a moment, then shook, making sure to patronisingly shake my head as I did so, probably saying something like, "Oh you kids. What a ruckass. Now, go home and tell your mothers you love them."

We walked off, as Pimple Git shouted abusive nonsensicle taunts at Alex, we knew we were now safe. Hero.

Apologies

Im sorry for not posting in like 6 days or something. I know all of you guys (being in the near hundreds) are so worried. But I've just been having too much fun doing far too many fun things to tell you all about. Which is a shame really. But to be honest I'd rather keep doing fun things than spend hours typing about them to you. This may prove an horrendous oversite, when in years to come I forget everything, I have to come back and read this blog to remember, theres all these gaps. That would suck. Through this fact I have decreed that blogs are much more interesting if written by depressed people with occasional spasms of fun than by people that have far too much fun and no time. The End.

In other news, Paige and I are now officially a thing (facebook never lies, children). I know, cool huh? She's kind of real awesome. We have wicked times too often, and shes probably to blame for my lack of posts. But more on that later...

In other other news, we almost got mugged. By a small ginga child. Now, when I say small, he claimed to be 16, but his height suggested 9. He was most fearsome though. And his friend new muay thai (forgive the spelling) apparently, although Adrejas (??) later doubted this call due to the fact that its all elbows and knees, and he was waving fists at me... (FISTS??). So here's what happened... (continued in my next post).

Yesterday, I introduced Paige to my family (bar Sam who is indeed moved out). We cooked random hash and pork stuff as well as steamed broccoli and it was awesome (even though it brunt onto the bottom of the pan). Plus, because it didn't really count as food, we could cover it in sauce and mayo and shit. Mum had us eat at the table which was odd, probably to impress Paige. Having your mum wanting to impress your girlfriend through domestic normality is always a good sign.

Heres some photo portraits...

1. me by paige

2. paige by me (easily the best photo)

3. oli by mum

4. mum by oli

why parades kick ass... when your in them.

During the santa parade on Sunday I strapped my camera to my belt loop so I wouldnt drop it, then sneakily took lots of photos to show Paige, and you too. So here's why being in a parade is significantly awesomer than watching them...

Heres some sick action shots of me and Oli running down Moorehouse Ave because we were late.

We found some other little guys from our band and so they ran away from their mothers to join in on secret awesome mission. Olis the one in the jeans. Notice how the little guys overtake us.

These little kids did not enjoy the loudness of the Samba band.

This is us marching down the middle of Columbo St. Yeah.

BOOOOM!!!

Fuck yeah.

Things Today

These holidays are going splendidly. I climbed a hill with a bunch of complete strangers and yet hat wiked fun, ran down Moorhouse Ave with some little kids, got in a parade and took lols of photos, walked far far too much (which I always enjoy), got over my fear of dogs and intersections, almost wrote a book and watched the end of Amilie with Paige (who, just so you know, is awesome. She explained to me her big awesome ingenious theory about the personality traits of all the numbers. It's brilliant. Next time you see me, ask me about it), walked more, watched more movies, watched Were the Wild Things Are and ate far too much popcorn (which I always really enjoy), and then slept in too far. MOST interstingly, my hatred of Letterman turned into a strange obsesive addiction. Hmmm... he's still not funny but the show somehow comforts me. Then I had minor surgery.

I had this weird mole thing on my neck that sprung up during exam week. I picked at it (yes... hate me) and it bled. And then it scabbed so I picked more (Go on! i know im a terrible person) and it bled more and grew and grew into something monstrous and disgusting. Luckily I kept it hidden behind a slick badass bandaid. Today I finally got it removed. I got a sick local anisthetic and they cut it all out. Amazingly they didn't get blood all over my tshirt which I was most worried about. The moles on my neck, and so quite close to all these delicate arteries and things. So, the other day, when I was all nervous about the operation, Sam and Oli were teasing me. Worst call came from Sam; "Hey Callum, you know what's going to be fun? Bleeding out."

Bastard. Luckily, he's moving out today. Party starts now.

ps. Photos coming soon. I tried to upload the video of Oli jumping the river but gave up. Il get it eventually. It is badass, I promise.

The *Afformetioned* Duck Feeding Game (AKA Duckdafuck)

Okay... here we goes. I feel sort of bad sharing this game because its too awesome, but whatevs. I'm impulsive and just too nice.

PREAMBLE

Ever gone duck feeding and been like; "Man... This is exactly like last time. I WISH there was something more to this!" Well, I did once. And so me and Paige competed in the first (and ever, so far) game of DUCKDAFUCK, the best bread orientated duck fun ever*!

REQUIREMENTS

Two or more people

Generic bagged bread (opt. mouldy)

Ducks (make sure you have lots. If you have only a couple then thats cheating and your boring and you chose a really bad place to feed ducks you idiot)

A pad and paper (for score keeping.. yay tally graphs!)

HOW TO PLAY?

Well... it's very easy. More or less, it's an aim game.

Player A, please choose a duck. Now, point too that duck and make sure Player B knows which one you're refering to by saying something like "The baby one with the twitchy head" or "The male teenage one with the gimpy foot" or "THAT one!"

Next, Player B, making certain that you know which duck you've been assigned, throw a bit of bread at it. Your goal is to feed it (It has to eat the bread that you throw at it... duh). For each piece of bread that you fail with, make a mark on a tally graph, like so;

Next; swap the bread for the pad and go again. This time, Player B challenges Player A and so on and so forth until you've gotten sick of the game (impossible) or until you run out of bread (much more likely).

THE WINNER

Play by golf scores. The person with the least tallys on their graph wins. But wins what?...

Always have a prize. It makes it way more fierce. You can decide on whatever you want. Maybe make it a slap bet! (dangerous). Me and Paige were competing for a kick ass round blue exercise cone thing that you might use for goal posts or something in PE. It worked as a mad hat. I didn't really mind when Paige won because it didn't even fit me anyway.... *cries*


HINT... The whole game rests on what duck you challenge. If you give your opponent a real whimpy duck to try and feed, chances are they'l spend ages trying to feed it while the bigger scarier ducks steal its food. You'll probably win through this tactic. I lost through this exact ploy.

This game may sound real easy to the non-duck feeders reading this post. But anyone who has fed ducks knows how crazy competitive they get. ALMOST as competitive as you'll get playing this kick ass game.

*besides duck sandwiches

Dude, I got no time for haters.

Man. Man oh man. Things are great.

It really takes the awesomeness of the first two days of non-school to make me realise how soul destroying school life actually is, for me anyway. Such a weight is gone. And it kicks fucking ass. Oh, no no... of course I'm not thinking about how much crazy shit I have to get done next year. I'll let future Callum sort that shit out. Two days. I can't believe it.

Oli and I were talking about on the way home from nothing today (as we often do on such a lovely walking day) that we're slowly conquering our little fears. Like when Oli jumped that river (it SOO happened! Totes). Or at least he is. But I will too. From now on. It's just stupid to avoid them because they mean nothing, and they change nothing if you stick to them. But if you break them, it feels so damn good. That little self pride of conquering fear really sets you up to enjoy awesomeness and notice the little things. Noticing serendipitous moments. Making fun out of anything. Turning things into games (NB. ANYTHING can become a game. Just add some rule too it that makes it fun... a punishment, a bet, even a tally graph to keep score of something boring. Its childish, but thats exactly the point). Sure I sound pretentious and self uppity but dammit I'm happy.

Oh, I can't believe I havn't told you this story yet. Its another duck feeding story. With Paige. Thats our thing. So there we were, jelly park pond, feeding swarms of crazy ducks. Like swarms. They were going nutto over this bread, honestly. It was a little scary. Well for me, lots of things are scary. But they were so competitive and nasty. So we turned it into a kick ass game (which i'll talk about in my next post... its honestly amazing. I cant understand why I haven't told you!). When we ran out of bread there was a lull in conversation. Not akward or anything... just a break from the intense action of the moments preceeding. I picked up a stick and prepared to aimlessly throw it into the water. "Man, it would be so awesome if we had a dog" I said, slightly bored as the stick splashed into the water. And then, in a streak of black fur a crazed happy mass of paws bolted past and bundled into the river. It was only when the thing had dropped the retrieved stick at our feet and prepared to shake the water off that I realised...

I had summoned a dog.

Unbelievable? Believe it. I told Oli this story today on the way home from nowhere today and he said "Wow... what did you do to deserve that sort of awesomness? Thats like three fonterra guys worth of good fortune."

Oh the fonterra guy... you wouldnt get that reference would you? Oh ill tell you the story later. First, the game.

Good luck wth the next one Mr Brown.

lol

I spent the entire weekend studying classics (read: reading Dan Browns new encyclopaedia). For those of you who are unaware, classics was sort of my one subject this year that I could miss. See, I couldn't miss art because i love it and it loves me. And I couldnt miss English and Music because those were sort of important to my future... and my "PLAN". And I couldnt miss maths because im scared of my maths teacher. And Art historys awesome, and far far too much fun (well... was. *tear*.) and thats it. SOO, whenever I had a music lesson or was really hungry or had far too much art to do, it seemed Classics had to bite the bullet, despite the fact that Mr Drurys the man, and I even went to Italy early this year on the class trips of all class trips. Well, it didnt stop Classics from going straight through me. I cant remember why I did it, I mean, I didnt really do very well at history last year... wait.... so, why DID I do classics this year?? If I knew I was going to be bad at it. Hmmmm....

OH WAIT!!

So that brings me to today. The Odyssey went quite well (its pretty much english) and so did the pompeiian art bit. Everythign was going actually pretty smoothly, so by the time I got to the essay on Athenian democracy I was in a pretty good mood. But unfortunately Athenian Democracy as a subject doesn't hold the delights that you would expect from a topic that examines political developments of a era that we found underground. And plus I was sort of accidentaly absent for the good part of the topic. Oh, and dont forget Dan Brown fucking things up. And I didnt have a big breakfast. And the exam examiner lady was reading a book on GRAMMAR which made me laugh for a solid hour.

ANYway. Like halfway through my fluff filled essay on male citizenship I sort of, gave up. Mid sentence even... I just sort of realised I didnt know nearly enough to help me pass. This is sort of what happened (I'll note with a * where I gave up);

The punishments towards Athenians who broke the rules of Citizenship were incredibly strict. If a person broke the rules of citizenship, or pretended to be a citizen the * Athenian Police would arrest him. Then, they would make the offender sit in a small steel box in the sun for a week to think about what he had done. Then, if by the end of the week the non citizen had completely repented for his sins, they would give him a ten minute head start. After which the townspeople would chase him with long swords and sharpened wooden poles to the edge of the city limits. Then, the townspeople would celebrate with a strict and rigidly coreographed dance. The End... Well, I'm hungry. I'm thinking I might go get a sushi ball.

I get my results in January, so I'll defs let you know how I went. God I love NCEA.

PS. I still cant find that fucking chord. I guess no one will ever believe that Oli truely jumped that river... he did btw.

EDIT: I got my results back!!!! AAAAAAND Not Achieved. Ha. Saw that coming. I got very excited when I saw that it had been moderated, but Sam kindly reminded me that thats random. Huh. Next year!

COMING SOON...!

_A video of Oli jumping the fucking river! As soon as I can find that fucking illusive chord.
_A new band name maybe?maybe not? probs.(wa wa wah???)
_Sick (or ill) artwork.
_Less wanky/more music content on this blog.
_Free Internet cake.

_Funny videos of cats rapping*

*irony

Los Cappuccios - Thom's guest post..?

Today I hung out with Thom. So he's going to tell you what went down. And other things that are on his mind. Take his word for gold....

Rolled up to town. Met up with the Custard Boys, they were at the library, went to.. Yellow Rocket's Coffee and Bagels cafe.. We had coffee and bagels.. Callum got.. basil pesto with garlic and herb cream cheese and a cappuccino. I (thom) had a.. Hazelnut with boysenberry jam and cream cheese bagel and.. a flat white (i'm boring and bad at coffee/it was the cheapest).
After an hour of organising our RDU application form (I have a spew on my blog about RDUing stuff if you're realy bored.. which you must be if you're reading a blog :) and some awkward interjections by Oli about it all.. After a spell of this, and a pretty wee Danish lassy signing us up for a petition involving the world and saving it (well.. might as well give it a shot) we were finally off to UC for RDUing..
After a pleasant walk through the campus we got there. Seeing as we hadn't actually met Benet (the boss man), we're pretty sure we passed him in the stairs, he was carrying soup.
The reception lady took our mix tapes and our form for us, Benet was out to lunch you see.. He's gonna call us and get shit properly sorted.
Off we were back to the cave (it's what I call the Custard boy's home.. Where else do bears live?) via waiting for half an hour for Oli to man up enough to jump a wee.. not even 6 foot wide river via an ice cream stop via checking out their section (they're building a house you see..) we were finally home.
Not much else happened. We nibbled on some grainwaves on our walk.

[*]ENDE[*]

Thanks Thom. Very brief.

Dear Blog

Today I did something dreadful.

Anyone who really knows me will tell you that I'm a helpless nostalgic. I keep everything. Too much paper shit is everywhere in my life, and more obviously, my room. I have come to actually throwing a lot of things away recently, things I like but know I wont need in five years time. Something that makes me laugh but wont when I find it in five months time. Or will it? Usually I just sit there rereading it over and over feeling sad and mopey about how fun and carefree my life was when I was (five months) younger... until I realise its just a drawing from a friend, or a ticket stub, or a real old magazine I read lots.

When we moved into this house at the start of Year 9 I decided to cover my door with shit (posters, ticket stubs... mostly school events and shit for my wicked covers band JORC with Joel and Rory). My mum didn't like it at first because it was a rental place because we had a property we were going to be building on soon and we'd be moving and I'd have to rip it all down and probably peel off paint. But I did anyway... a way of making Bryndweird feel like home. Well, fast forward four years down the line and here I am, nearing the start of my 5th year of high school, were still in Bryndwr which has become well and truly home for me (despite the whole no vowel things... SOMETIMES Y IS A LIE!!), Joel and Rory are now in a r ridiculously scary (read 'good') Deathcore (or something) band and we're in (giggle inducing) Custard Bear. Plus, my door is still covered in shit from four years ago. So I took it all off.

Mum noticed straight away (the paint was fine fyi). Dad walked past twice before he did. But they were both sort of shocked. And so was I, kind of. It may not seem like a big deal, but to a hopeless nostalgic its pretty much the worst. But I didn't throw everything away. I kept the JORC posters. In like twenty years time when Behold Thy End is like crazy famous for biting the heads off of bats and Custard Bear (read 'Way Better Band Name') is mediocre famous for playing in librarys and touring the South Island, we can show people that poster and they'd be like "Woah shit, man... thats nutsbuckle*" and we'd be all "Yup... totes. We taught them everything they know".

Can I get a YEHAW for capitalising on friends success??? Nope.

I got scared at my overly clean door so I started blu tacking photo copies of work from my folio. Im liking it, to be honest. Waaaay better than JORC shit.


*future slang term. Trust me, everyone's going to be saying it. Its the new pish posh.


ps. tune into RDU tonight at like 1am. THOMS ON!!!

Math the Never

Okay okay... Okay. I'm very very excited and stoked right now. But I'm getting ahead of myself (lols for reference)...

Today I was doing my level two maths exam. It went pretty all right. I did a suitable amount of revision in the weekend. On Saturday I taught myself how to do logarithms. For those of you who avoided year 12 maths logarithms are special magic numbers which make algebra awesome. Needless to say I spent all day doing examples and getting real awesome at it (sidebar. there were two logarithm questions out of the whole six papers. I could have done the second one another way but I kinda forced it. It was awesome). Sunday I did calculus. For those of you who dont know anything, calculus is a maths on meth. Its not healthy. But it is kind of magic. But dont go thinking I'm a fan of math. I'm really not... maths is stupid. Well, high school maths is. I've been doing maths all my living memory. From counting... to subtracting... to MULTIPLICUNTION... long division. fractions. adding/subtracting fractions. algebra (giggles)

...

it was a long, long journey. Lots of "why??!"'s were had. I struggled to understand the point for long periods of my life when I was certain that I wanted to do music/film/art/things that Im naturally good at and wont take long periods of academic struggling. But I wont go on and on...everyone feels this way. Even maths teachers... but they would never admit it.

So there I was, halfway through my trigonometric equation paper when I realised... this wwas the LAST TIME I WAS EVER DOING MATHS! EVER!!! EVER EVER!!!! EEEVVVVEEEERRRRRR!!!!!!!

And then I got Los Campesinos! stuck in my head and my day was perfect forever amen.

Exam

I just finished my second Cambridge English exam this afternoon. Two hours of regurgitating out onto paper everything I know about Julius Caesar and A View from the Bridge. Which was always going to be an interesting two hours. However, it was interesting for the wrong reasons... well, reasons detrimental to my success in English.

I went into the exam quietly confident. I planned on kicking exam ass. It took about half of the exam time for me to realise that this was probably not the best way of going about something testing academic knowledge. 'Kicking exam ass' could have been read as 'lying to myself about the extent of my knowledge and the consequences of my imenent failure'.

I came to the realisation that I gave up on English halfway through the year without realising it. There is a point in my notes book where the logical progressions of thought just stops.... and is replaced with disjointed and unrelated buzz words; 'heteronormative society' 'intra psychic exploration' and my favourite 'a vivid disection of the human condition'. This will not help me pass.

It seems my knowledge was lacking. And it was far far too late to do anything about it. It was beyond late. I spent the last half hour of this exam coming to terms with this fact.

Oh well... At least I can blame the teacher.

I love summer and summer smells.

This post is part of my "Its the summer so I'm feeling sentimental" collection. Secretly, I know its only spring. How do I know this?

The clouds are moody and I need chapstick.

Favourite summer smells include damp clean hair and cut grass. I know everyone loves cut grass, but I love it because it reminds me of Hansen Park. That's where we did our athletics at primary school. Towards the end of every year we would do athletics in the afternoons. On Fridays the whole senior school (about 100 people) would walk down to Hansen Park intheir sun hats to do running. It always smelt amazing. And plus we got the afternoon off of school work, so I even enjoyed the exercise even though I run like a desk. And the walks were good too, we would talk about star wars or lord of the rings or something else equally life consuming. And when we did high jump we would fall onto the hot rubber mats and get sweaty backs.

This afternoon I have my primary school reunion. We're taking lemon slice.

FuEEEED MuEEEE!!!

Yesterday I went on an overly enormous walk with Paige to go to that media club gig. We fed ducks on the way (something I have not done for eons, but Paige has not done for months. I win). Overall I think we both really learnt alot... ducks are like that you know.

The gig was pretty sweet. I was all real tired from all the masses of walking and all but it was so worth it. Sandfly Bay seemed a little down (wich was sad cause I love those guys) but luckily they were playing reeally old horror films behind them which we could watch when we got bored (but I blame the walking).

T54 (NOT a rap group fyi) were fucking killer. They played some relentless rock and roll and plus the bass player was adorable* (*read "had real long bogan hair in a mid part plus a hot cake AND a prunes and custard pedal which destroyed") and the drummer looked like Callum from The Checks which freaked me out (in a good way).

AAAaaahHHH!! Holy fuck they're enormous!!!

It was so hot today...

I got a headache, walked home with my blazer off, I ate a popsicle outside this afternoon, I had a long nap, dad barbecued burgers... they were undeniably exquisite, its 8:02 and its still sunny and I thought of the poor people in the northern hemisphere getting colder and colder and I laughed and laughed.

Because of my Europe trip earlier this year I got two springs. I feel bad. But so happy. The downside of it is that winter this year was exceptionally hard, having tasted Parisian spring and loved it.

I feel bad. But so happy.

Celebration Sandwich

Because its tuesday and everything I thought I'd show you a recipe. It's my "hurray i finished my art folio sandwich and I want to celebrate" sandwich. Everyone should have their own celebration sandwhich. Its my one rule (he lies).





Instead of a detailed analysis on how to make it (EVERYONE knows how too make a sandwich) here's lots of photos...







you need: A WHOLE banana (thats the point); peanut butter (whatever kind, except unsalted... thats just weird... and make sure its not made in china. Not because I dont like china... i do, its just something to do with shipping and carbon footprints ya ya ya...); manuka honey; chocolate chips; bread (if your feeling adventurous or have a very large banana, use the crusts. Extra support).





EAT

my art foliolioliolio

Its my baby.

B. A. B. Y

(yay for collage!)

DONE FUCKERS!

Art folio: complete*.

YUS!!

*almost

HAPPY ONE MONTH!!!

Happy One Month Anniversary bloggers! So far the blog is going quite well. I shall give it three bold L's (for Lapse) out of five...

L L L * *

I know what you're thinking, and yes I agree. Three L's in a cop out. When you rate three out of five, you don't really like something but you don't want to admit it to their face. Everyone knows that.

To celebrate, the band went out and played our first gig in ages ...at Zebedees. Oli doens't like Zebedees, but its where everyone starts. It where you go when you're to slack too organise proper shows. I enjoyed the show but left feeling very self conscious of our band. We were the odd band out. We had non straightened hair, no hats on, we play with too many chords, and we dont have names like Matt and Nick and Jacko. We have names like Jack Callum and Oli. Which is similar but importantly different.

I like Zebedees. Its familiar, like that uncle you only see at Christmas and always gives you colouring in books even though you havent been 8 for a while. AND plus there's one nice guy and one not nice guy who run it, which is even and I like even.

I rate Zebedees 3 out of 5

L L L * *

ps. I had a funny photo of jack standing outside Zebedees but I cant find the camera chord. So heres a picture of Danny Lee. But dont go thinking I like golf (or steam). He's celebrating too.

pps. I've almost finished my art folio. It's due monday. For people who don't know me well, this is my big thing for the year. And twelve credits too. I'm going in to school tomorow (SATURDAY?!?!) to paint so il take some photos to show you... if I can find the damn chord!!

pish posh

"What dost thou mean? Everyone whos anyone says Pish Posh!"

Today Oli used the phrase "pish posh". In context. Probably the highlight of my day.

I have now officially reverted into exam hibernation due to the ever approaching FAIL stamp my teachers are hovering over my head. But I'm in a much better state today thanks to "the weekend of no return". Im slowly ticking things off my list and that makes me very happy. Though very sleepy.

But sleep now??? Pish posh. Its barely dark.

That reminds me of this time when I was in Europe...

And I wrote a blog.

Its real long, so if you have to do homework do that now otherwise you'll get really badly distracted. But I trust you've got it all completely under control. Happy day off Christchurchians!

Something good I got out of today...

“To explain the creative musician’s basic objective in elementary terms, I would say that a composer writes music to express and communicate and put down in permanent from certain thoughts, emotions and states of being. These thoughts and emotions are gradually formed by the contact of the composer’s personality with the world in which he lives. He expresses these thoughts (musical ones...) in the musical language of his own time. The resultant work of art should speak to men and women of the artist’s own time with a directness and immediacy of communicative power that no previous art expression can give.”

Aaron Copland

Saltarello

"One of the most popular medieval dances was the salterello. Whereas an estampie my have been a stamping dance, a saltarello was a sprightly hopping and jumping dance (salterello is Italian for 'little hop')."




This is what my day has consisted of. With more to come.

Wa Wa Wah?

Things are starting to get very intense lately.

It sort of all just hit me this week... like a vicious simile. I realised how little time I have and just how much shit I have to get done.

For example... This week one monday night I completed my art history internal (that was actually due LAST tuesday... but as a class we had collectively forgotten). I was up til 2:30 doing that. But I could have got it done quicker but I got badly distracted by some far too intresting people. Tuesday I painted at school until around 5:00 and then walked home, then slept. On Wednesday I had band practice, then Samba Band practice with Jeremy Thin at CSM til around 6. Then I came home and started my English Research project. Worked til twelve that night.

On Thursday night I worked until 3:00 am on English Research. It was shit and I could have started it much earlier but its 3 credits so it doesn't reeeally matter.

Sure sure, everyone has pressure. But I've never had this much before so I'm sort of slowly starting to freak out. Plus Ive still got two music internals due on Wednesday as well as my art folio due next Thursday (FUCCCKK!! And I have to do three times as much next year!!! AHAHSGF) and then Cambridge English exam that Friday. And then just after that my NCEA externals start. So its fun for the whole family.

This year Ive learned its okay to fail. But I dont want to fail.

On a related note, we were informed yesterday that Art History (the GREATEST subject ever) is cancelled for next year. This will NOT do. Me and Eli are going to fight to keep it. Its going to be a sick mission. Possible documentary opportunity.

Im going to go paint.

Sususususureal.

I had the strangest day. My head was in such an obscure place... like under water or in a burlap sack tied to my legs. It was one of those days where a lot of the things I say get weird looks, or laughs, or people calling me crazy.

Now, why was I in such a state you ask?

Well I was up until 2am doing an art research assignment on The Cantebury School (notes good band name) of regionalist painters yada yada yada... Well, I got badly distracted (glaring eyes) but I got it done eventually. Hours of dreamless sleep later I had to awake for the endless pleasure that is school. I don't have to go into great detail with this, I'm sure you've all been there.

The great news is my mum is amazing and made me crazy awesome scrambled eggs with parsley or something in them... i duno, but it was green and it was awesome. I ate them in between a toasted ciabatta (i totally spelt that right the first time) bun. I don't have to tell you have awesome they were, but will. They were very muchly awesome.

But I was not any form of awake. Not even a potassium packed banana could dent this stupor. So mum mixed me a glass of berocca. Well, have a glass of berocca. So it was damn strong. I hadn't had it before so i drank it real quick. Mixed with the eggs it made a surprising feeling in my stomach. But I was awake. And with the help of RDU i made it through the day.

But i crashed halfway walking home. Maybe I can blame fleet foxes. Maybe I can blame Rita Angus.

Im pretty jaded right now, so Im sorry if this story is hell boring. To me right now, its hilarious. Even seinfeld is hilarious right now. Hahaha.... Sucker.

Just to be clear Jerry Seinfeld is the most unfunny person ever...

...But he sure likes potassium!!

THE FLY

is probaby the most fucked up movie I've seen. Besides Return To Oz. That shit scared me stupid.

They just go about it in the most disgusting way possible. All the characters have really unhealthy relationships with each other and make the worst choices. Its so disturbing.

And yet I can't stop watching.

I'm torn between sheer fascination and complete repulsion.

I think it succeeds through hard earned force of entertainment.

(HOLY SHIT DID HE JUST MELT THAT GUYS HAND!!!! YESS!!!! FUCK OFF!!!)

Il let you know how it ends.

(HIS LEG TOO!!!!! FUCK!!!)

YUUUUCCCCKKK!!!!!!

Sorry Sean...

Woah. Just got back from a super sick So So Modern gig at the Media Club. First gig ive been to in ages. Its great to see such a mint band playing an all ages gig (on the same night as a r18 gig at Goodbye Blue Monday... respect) but also, actually enjoying it. Sleepy Age were first up. For a really solid band playing some enjoyable dancey music, they didn't seem that pleased to be playing. They seemed sarcastic and akward. Okay sure, they had a rather small audience (it was a pretty early show... it started ten to seven) and il admit, little indie scenesters aren't exactly the most responsive audience. It's just a shame really that some bands dont give it their all for an audience of kids. Thank god we have people like Disasteradio.

Out of my top 5 concert experiences, 3 of them feature Disasteradio. Sooo much freaking fun. You've got to admire a person who can make an entire audience go monkey fucking nuts in dancing pleasure.... all by himself! Love him. Disasteradio... never change.

I hadn't really seen much of So So Modern. I stupidly missed out on their last gig because of ....something (cant remember... I think it was Scriptless). So slick, so exciting... dangerous and yet hypnotically comforting, their music is sharp and electronic but still maintaining that live power through guitars that is missing from electronica. So So Modern are from a distant future where humans have mastered guitar skills and sculpt sound through crazed effects boards. Man those guys are clever... that shit takes years of hard gigging to get tight.

Well... I know i'll definately be borrowing their new album from Thom.

Now... I need to go paint (will he finish in time???).

Coming up on monday, Ill tell you a new game. It's a goodun.

Today Sam got to see the Mint Chicks again. Sam hates the Mint Chicks. I had to go to school and learn. In what universe is that fair?

Answer: None.

Thursdays

I quietly enjoy Thursdays.

Thursdays are usually after Wednesdays. And Wednesdays are usually pretty awesome because I get to band practice. Which rocks. So by Thursday you're still in a pretty good mood from the day before, plus the weathers awesome, plus you have Fridays to look forward to. And everyone loves Fridays*.

*everyone except you right? Well, I don't care. You don't get an opinion. You're malformed.

I also love Fridays because I have another band practice (DURING MUSIC!! Yaya! No listening to Dons ramblings...) and Art History last period. And I am also looking forward to tomorrows friday because the Tea Party's on at Canterbury University. I can't go, but I get to listen to it on RDU all day. Mini-yay of semi-lamenes. Apparently according to Sam (Law Student, Brother and God of all Knowingness), the Mint Chicks are on "later". I don't know what that means. 3:00pm? 9:00pm? Fuck. If you know, let me know.

Sam and his law friends are going as Ninja Turtles. Because apparently thats what uni students do. I helped them make shells...

I traded my artistic expertise for Sam having to cook dinner not me. He cooked chicken and salad. It was muchos delicious.

Sam and Salad...

...Sam and Chicken

And THAT'S why I love Thursdays. Oh, and they played D-Rad on RDU this morning. Me and Eli danced during form assembley. Good times.

Small Band

I want to be in a really small band, like a two-piece, just me and Oli. It would be awesome. We'd only be able to have two parts, like bass and drums, or guitar and drums (I wouldn't be able to cope with a loop pedal) but we'd both sing a lot with wiked close harmonies. We'd play loud and fast and with much dancing. We'd be able to play anywhere anytime... in bedrooms, corridors even. We'd be able to practice lots too.

But mum won't ever let us buy drums.

Im going to buy drums.

Im going to go paint now.

Big Band

I really want to be in a big band with lots of people in it. So so much. We can all sing in wicked harmonies and wear moccasins and heaps of jangly shaky hand percussion. And everyone will be uplifted and sing along in the chorus. And we'll all dance all over the massive stage.

Why? Two reasons...

ONE

TWO

I think I may be going deaf...

It's not that bad. It happens to everyone/anyone who plays in a band and goes to poorly mixed and overtly ouch inducing live shows and listens to music very loudly on headphones. But im not complaining.



I'd much rather be deaf before im 21 then listen to music at a reasonable volume.



But the deafer I get, the louder I have to turn up the music to make up for it.



Whenever I play someone music off my mp3 they go "WOOAH, turn it DOWN! Are you trying to kill me??!"



Im not trying to kill them.



My ears rang for ten minutes today for no reason.



I dont want my ears to ring for no reason.



Now, I wear earmuffs at band practice.



On a related note, I told my History of Art Class that my dad assembles earmuffs for a day job. He's probably assembled most of the earmuffs in the South Island for the past 15 years. All the big earmuff companies get their earmuffs manufactured at the factory in Christchurch my dad works in. He's really good. In fact, he probably assembled the earmuffs in your garage.



My dads really an architect.

NB. Not really my dad... Its an illustration.

Run

Seeing as though its monday and everything, heres another game we invented (this time with the help of Axle). It's called Run.

PREAMBLE



Ever found a random tennis ball in the park when you're bored and have no idea what to do? Well, play this game. You'll be giggling in no time. It's utterly simple and has little to no rules.



REQUIREMENTS



Three to ten people.



A park (a big one with lots of grass. They typically are the ones where you find balls from people with dogs).



A FOUND tennis ball (it has to be found).





HOW TO PLAY



The most important thing to remember with Run is that in it's purest form it is entirely spontaneous. Even writing down the rules dulls the awesomeness of the game. As with the best made up games, the rules aren't important.



To adhere to the spontaniety clause, the ball used in Run MUST be found. Only then may the game commence. If a ball is manufactured or someone plants it earlier it defeats the purpose of the game (as NOW you're all like "Wow... I can't believe they didn't catch me out for planting the ball! I am such a sluth!" No. You're a cunt.



Once a ball is found a game of run can be declared by shouting "RUN!" The person with the ball is IN.



Whoever's IN must throw the ball under the legs of another player to get back OUT.



Intimidation is called for and encouraged. Scary faces, noises and insults work best to put off another player.



That's pretty much it. And remember to run.





HINT.... Climb a tree!

PINS

I listened to Fleet Foxes last night in bed in the dark. It was amazing. I saw all these wiked shapes and colours in the darkness. When that was over I started listening to Joy Division but the echoey delay on the drums started to freak me out so I turned it off.

Then I had a strange dream last night...but it was really boring and that makes me angry.

There was this coffee table being constructed in front of my eyes. Except it was being held together with massive sewing pins... the one with the round pink ends. Or maybe the pins were normal sized and the table was small.

I got angry that the pins weren't countersunk.

Heres a drawing...

I replayed this over and over, and even in my dream I knew that it was boring. And I imagined typing this blog post about it.

Conclusions...

A. I need to do more with my day.
B. Even my dreams are contrived.

Counting Down....

I've been strangely anxious about something all day.

Its sort of like those mysterious unidentified jitters you get when your excited about a party or an awesome movie you've been dying to see. So yeah, its like the bad version of that.

I think the main culprit is the looming school term. It's the Saturday before term 4 begins. Yes, term 4. And that means its exam time, stress time, no party time and (because I'm a extremely paranoid person on better days) IM GOING TO FUCKING CRASH AND BURN time.

So I'm worried that I'm wasting my time today doing nothing before school makes me do a million things all at once. But maybe thats a good thing...

Today was pretty all right. Highlight would have to be going to the Court Theatre matinee of that Roger Hall play about retirees on holiday. Being a Roger Hall play (cited as "New Zealands most trusted play write" lol, poor guy) and being a matinee, it was full of chuckling retirees (and beyonds) reliving their days of travelling overseas as youger retirees.

Being one of the youngest people in the audience, I found myself in a unique position of being able to stand apart from the group of them and spy on their modest admiring glances and moments of self reflection. Even though I enjoyed the play, I was fascinated by the comfort the aged audience found in such a simple reflection of their own lives. Having not had a life yet, I concluded that I have much to look forward to.

But first, its time to FUCKING CRASH AND BURN!

Callum goes Bracket and Hyperlink CRAZY!! (or "It must be Friday")

So Jono's staying over this week.

(History Lesson: Jono's been a friend of mine since like waay back, probably longer than anyone. Well, except Thom of course. But he doesn't count this week because Jono's here now and he went home. We were like a wiked gang back in primary school. A clique maybe. It was pretty cool. It was definately the best clique too. We weren't the cool guys (as they are all jerks) or the nerdy guys (as they were embarassing). We were the middle group. The best group. Well, besides the group of 9 girls who made up the "All of The Girls" group that win by default. We even made movies (which were all badass with fights and shit))

We had a pretty fun week though. Our parents were on their best behavious because we had 'a guest' (Me: "Since WHEN did we eat at the table Mum?" Mum: *Tries to burn a whole through me with her eyes*) and we got wiked food too. Jono worked all day, so me and Oli got some sweet recording done (which are sounding awesome). We went on dates in the evening. On Wednesday we went to Inglourious Basterds (I hope I spelt that right), which as it happens, is the movie I've been waiting to see my whole life. Last night (Thursday) we went to see Poe at the court (which freaked the shit out of me). Jono and Oli wore suit jackets. But Oli was wearing this v neck t shirt and looked sort of stupid. He made a remark about how if anyone asks about it he'll say he's a homosexual. We all laughed. Then mum said he can borrow her scarf. "No mum, thats a pashmina" corrected Oli. We all laughed more. Dad looked worried.

After the play we went to Brigitte's place and made her watch the first Star Wars (which for some ungodly reason she had never seen). As it happens, How I Met Your Mother on tuesday night had a similar plot with Ted forcing that Elliot girl from Scrubs to watch it. On the show Elliot really hated it and made a joke about Chewbacca. But shes a bitch so she doesn't count. Back in reality, Brigitte really liked it. But for some reason she liked The Phantom Menace better (which is a crime). Eli was there too (of course).Turns out he has a rediculous knowledge of Star Wars trivia. This came as quite a shock to the group, as Eli resembles in no way a geek/nerd/star wars trivia buff. He even rides a long board and listens to Nujabes.

After Star Wars we came home and watched the Ladyhawke win a million awards at the NZ Music Awards. We had it taped so we stayed up for ages waiting for the Mint Chicks to play. But it was well worth it. They played She's a Mod with MICHAEL LOGIE on bass. It was awesome. Im a huge fan of Michael Logie, and I wonder if they might bring him back into the band. Oli says if they do that, there might be a chance that they would degress stylistically and become more punkish. But I think that they would put Michaels wiked F in Math work into the mixing pot and create a crazy awesome fucked up pop mess. But you never know with the Mint Chicks. Sadly, despite the unyeildingly awesomeness of Screens, they didn't win any of the awards on the night (up and commers Midnight Youth pinched them. But good on them. They're so young, it must have been crazy exciting. You can almost forgive them for dressing like Tomboys from the 80's).

In other news, that youtube video of Custard Bear at rockquest finally uploaded (after like 2 weeks). Check it out here. (sorry in advance for the sound quality... It was fucking loud.)

Thrills for Free

NUMBER ONE

Hearing your band play on the radio at like 3 am in the morning. Never before in my life has a poor quality mono recording has made me giggle with glee.

The Only Turn Game

Dearest Friends, today (being a Monday and everything) I thought it would be nice of me to share with you a game which I made up (with the help of Oli. But of course Oli helped. When isn't he there? Answer; never). I hope to make this game thing a regular occurance. I guess il post them as often as I can remember them. Its called The Only Turn Game.






PREAMBLE

This game is perfect for playing when extremely bored in town when your waiting for a bus, or waiting for Edwin to show up so you can give him his birthday cake which you made.



REQUIREMENTS


Two people (may be played with more... see Wiked Spins);

A large Activity Space (central city Christchurch works perfectly);

A very very bored state of mind. This is key. If you are even in the slightest sense entertained (maybe theres a 12 year old busker doing mime outside the bus exchange... what an idiot), then this game will seem more boring in comparison. However, if you are extremely bored, then this game could possibly be the most fun you've ever had.



HOW TO PLAY

In its simplest form, The Only Turn Game is merely a way to make boring walks around town intersting.

Firstly, choose a destination. Secondly, walk there. However;


Player A may only turn left.
Player B may only turn right.


And thats all there is to it.



PUNISHMENTS


If a player breaks the One Rule of the game (which is idiotic seeing as there IS only ONE RULE) a punishment is issued. The punishment is agreed on by players beforehand and can be anything you like. Here are some examples;


- Must walk in barefeet for the next 5 minutes. This is lethal in the summer with such burning hot concrete in town. Plus the threat of standing on glass is pretty scary.
- Must drink puddle water
- A slap with a jandal (Summer)
- A whip with a scarf (Winter)
- A dare is issued


(nb. dares shouldn't be stupidly impossible/terribly imbarrassing. Remember, you may have to recieve a dare in the near future, and we want to keep a good natured vibe to the game. The Only Turn Game has the potential to break friendships)



WIKED SPINS


- For a wiked spin on the game, follow the above rules, but play TAG (the hands-down greatest and most simplest game in all of the world).

This is a dangerous addition to The Only Turn Game, but really makes the most out of it, and tests the tactical skill of the players. Also, it allows for Multiple Players (To play, the person who is IN can only turn the opposite direction to everyone else).

Simply play TAG with the addition this simple rule, and you will find happiness in the dizzy mess that The Only Turn Game can bring.

HINT ...If only turning RIGHT, you can turn LEFT by making three RIGHT TURNS. If used well, this technique can result in the "dizzy mess" as hinted at above.

Good luck. As with all games, don't be afraid to experiment and come up with new rules and variations. If you come up with a really wiked one, email me. Id love to hear it.