Mugger Baby

(this is an old story that I forgot about. Happy Tuesday everyone)

I went down to Paiges to have misc. adventures with her and Thom. When I arrived at the playground, Awesome Alex and Paige were on the swings, and Paige had bread, and Thom was late. So someone suggested we teach Alex DUCKDAFUCK (one reason being alex is petrified of birds so that would be lols in itself) and so we ventured to Jelly Park to commence game.

Alex, as it happened, was EXTREMELY terrified of all the ducks. And unnaturally terrible at duckdafuck. Paige on the upper hand kicked ass (AGAIN) and much chuffing and huffing was had. At the near climax of the game however, we noticed a trio of swaggering clots heading our way, annonymous bourbon cola drinks in hand. A ginga child approached me, strangely oblivious to the pretty girls sitting next to me and mumbled "Hey, you want to fight?".
"Uh... what, sorry?"
"You wanna fight man, c'mon! Letss go" he said, bringing his fists up, slightly overbalancing.
"Uhmm, no thanks," I said, turning away, and laughing quietly, but quietly scared. He was small, but I try and avoid fights as much as I can. His mate wandered over. He had slick black hair and gross pimples, as well as a heavy looking black square backpack. He was around the same age, maybe slightly older, but nonetheless takes his lead from the littler ginga child. He decides joins in on the fun, giggling and supporting his friend.
"Well den can I have ten dolluz for ma bus? I need to get hoome man..." said the small ginga child, reaching over for my backpack (which happened to have Oli's digital delay pedal in it, a small token worth around 200 dollars). I roared maliciously with laughter and said "No," an answer he obviously had some grievance with.

"C'mon man! I need to get home ae..." and started reaching towards my bag. I pulled it away from him, telling him to "Fuck off!" he swaggered away, around the back of the bench. I shared a worried glance with Paige. With the poise of a drowned goose, he ripped Paiges bag away from behind her and started to run off, riffling through it. Paige jumped up, shouting various insults and suggesting various activities. The drunkard, realising he was stealing from a girl (harbingers of loveliness), reluctantly dropped her bag. Pimple Git, however, was back in front of me. "C'mon man, give us ten bucks!"

I walked over to Paige. She was having words with General Ginga. He didn't seem to be keen at all on leaving. I opened my mouth; "How old are you guys?"
"Sixteen" was the immediate and resoundingly confident answer. My age. Fuck. How young do I look? I wondered. "Well you don't look it. Do you parents know that you guys are drinking in a park? Or harrassing strangers?" I said. Sure I felt like a dick, but I wanted them to leave, "Are you guys honestly trying to mug us?"
"Nah man," Ginga replied, "Our parents don't give a shit about us anyways," he said looking for support from Pimple Git. He nodded, grinning. "Yeeauah, and drinking what? Were just enjoying a lovely evening." he noted, motioning towards the park he noticed he was in.
"You guys are fucking drunk! You stink!"
"No we don't!" replied Ginga, worried.
"And you've got a whole bag full of booze I bet," I said, pointing at Pimple Git, "What if the cops caught you with that?" This worried them. They got angry.
"Don't you fucking call the cops!! I'll beat you up," cried Ginga, sloshing drink.
"I hear they're on bikes now. They're fast. They could get here like that! And then you'd be fucked, wouldn't you?" At this, Ginga casually hid his rum and coke mixer bitch drink under his rip curl t shirt. It was at this moment that the third mugger spoke up. He was the worried one, standing back from this whole encounter. He had a round baby face and pretty boy brown hair, and long cargo pants. He stood back with eyes down, rocking from foot to foot. I'm dubbing him Baby Bitch.
"Uh, err... should we just go?" squeaked Baby Bitch, from five metres back.
"Shut the fuck up Josh!" spat Ginga.
"Josh?" I said, laughing. I had the little one, "Your names Josh? I've got your name now. You guys are fucked," and started to pull out my cell phone, flipping it open. Baby Bitch started to freak, and Pimple Git strode forward towards me. Before he could get there, Ginga punched me in my ear.

"Oh..." I said, honestly shocked. No one likes getting punched. But in my ear? Man, thats weak, I thought. Baby Bitch stepped in again, pleading for them to go. My ear was ringing so I didn't hear him exactly, although he probably said, "Man, we shouldn't mess with this guy. He looks like trouble. And were all sooks remember? Let's go home and have a group bath."

"Fuck off!!" I shouted, turning to see my female comrades with a mix of worry and admiration in their eyes. Yes. Hero. I held my cell phone up to my wounded ear.
"Okay man," he said, with reasoning, "Don't call the cops," his voice cracking slightly.
"Then fuck off!" I said. Looking towards Paige and Alex, we started to walk away.
"Okay okay!" cried Ginga, "shake on it. You won't call the cops." He held out his slightly pudgy sweat hand. I took a moment, then shook, making sure to patronisingly shake my head as I did so, probably saying something like, "Oh you kids. What a ruckass. Now, go home and tell your mothers you love them."

We walked off, as Pimple Git shouted abusive nonsensicle taunts at Alex, we knew we were now safe. Hero.