Drumrollers

I'm about to enter the hardest year of my life to date (chorus of idiots shout out "Good luck with that!"). I mean, last year was exhausting and never-ending, repetitive and dull, emotionally draining, extremely stressfull and probably more horrilble adjectives that I'm eluding now because its bedtime and I should be asleep but I had to write these thoughts down before they poof away in a cloud of 'imbusywithsomethingrightnowworrymelater'. But 2009 was also so amazingly awesome in hundreds of obvious 'no way 2008 Callum would have done this' ways, and other less obvious, more wanky 'look-on-the-bright-side' ways that Im not going to get into.

In 2009 I failed so hard at so many things, which was a new thing for me. I usually just coast through quite easily which I know sounds cocky, which to be honest it was, which is why crashing badly was such a shock to the usually steady system. I think in a lot of ways, those sort of shit times that sort of hung over 2009 for a we bit there will actually help me a lot this year. At least, when the winter study depression hits, I'll recognise it, cope with it, and know that it DOES end. So maybe that means that 2010 will be a lot more fun. The reason I think 2010 will be so much harder than last year, is that the stuff I'm doing this year CAN'T fail. This year counts. Its the end of my time at (sadly enough) second home; CBHS aka School, after which I would have been following bells for five years. And then.... blankness. Most people would think freedom? I dont know. I've got no solid plans right now, so at the moment, its solid blankness. But I do have a whole year to figure that out. A whole year to figure out where my next five years of bells will be coming from. A whole year where I'll also have to get through those same pressures from last year that are amplified in the Forge of 7th Formdom. Sure that may not make a whole lot of litterary sense, but to my petrified brain the Forge is shit scary.

The great news for you, however, is that this may prove to be some very exciting reading. You will be my angst outlet, so if I get angry, I apologise in advance. And when I say You, I really mean Future Me. I still havent come to terms with the idea that people would actually follow this blog or read through these long tantrums. I'm mainly writing all this so that in the future, I can look back on all this and laugh with glee at how tra laaingly gleeful and hip hop happy my pure little teenage life was compared to adulthood. Who knows?